The Day Running Didn’t Kill Me

photo © 2006 Ian Burt | more info(via: Wylio)

As per yesterday’s post, I decided to get started on the Couch to 5K program right away. I’ve read all the stuff about not worrying about the beginning of a week or month or whatever to start something, just start it. And since I’m loathe to be any more of a cliche than absolutely necessary, I decided I’d get moving.

Of course, starting this in the summer in the midst of a heat-wave means that I had to wake up EARLY this morning to get to the track as soon as it opened so I didn’t collapse from heat bitchiness. (Yes, I know that real runners don’t run on a track. But I live in WV with many, many hills and there’s just no way I could do any part of this on the actual roads, not to start, anyway.) What follows is a detailed look at my first C25K morning. Enjoy.

  • 5:45AM alarm: Why did I post this on my blog? People are expecting me to do this. I could be asleep right now. It’s summer vacation for heaven’s sake!
  • 5:50 AM: Get dressed. Realize I can’t find any ties for my hair. Raid the kids’ silly band collection. Hope I find one that looks like a runner. Actually find one that I don’t know what it is.
  • 6:00 AM: Tweet that I’m doing this.
  • 6:01 AM: Check to see if anyone has offered encouragement. Realize that it’s flippin’ six in the morning and most people are asleep. Like I want to be.
  • 6:07 AM: Get to the track. Pray that no 16 year old hard-bodies are out there to laugh at me. Realize again that it’s very early and all 16 year old hard-bodies are probably asleep. Stretch, based on clips of what I’ve seen on TV, not from any actual fitness information.
  • Five minute warm up. Here we go. I have survived 20+ hours of labor at a time. I can do this for 27 minutes.
  • First 2 minute run, beginning: What was I worried about? I’m a rockstar! I can totally do this!
  • First 2 minute run, 13 second in: What the hell was I thinking? This is the worst thing I’ve ever done in my whole life.
  • First 3 minute walk: The podcast guy is telling me that I should be breathing heavier, but should recover in the 3 minutes. I don’t think that is going to happen. I’m pretty sure I will be breathing like this until sometime after lunch.
  • Second 2 minute run: Already? Okay, I caught my breath, but…already?
  • Second 3 minute walk: Oh, this is bad. I have to do this two more times. You know, if I quit now and just sat in the bleachers until the end of the podcast, I could pretend I’m awesome. No one is here. No one will know. I’ll still be plenty sweaty to pretend that I did the whole thing.
  • Third 2 minute run: *expletive deleted* Are my legs on fire because of the running or because the friction between my thighs is causing some kind of chemical reaction? *expletive deleted*
  • Third 3 minute walk: I’m dying. I’m dying. I know Janet Oberholtzer does this with with one leg, but I’m not that strong. I’m just a fat old lady and I can’t do this. I’m dying.
  • Last 2 minute run: *many, many expletives deleted* Where are my effing endorphins???? I was told I’m supposed to get some kind of high from doing this!!!!! Why don’t I feel high???? *many more expletives deleted*
  • Cool down: Holy crap, I just did that. The sun is coming up over the trees and I kinda’ want to cry because it’s so beautiful. Is that what they’re talking about? Cuz that’s not the worst feeling in the world.
  • 6:42 AM: Home. Wait, you mean I have to walk from my car to my house????
I survived. It was horrible and exhilarating and painful and empowering. I’m pretty sure I’ll never be the runner that many of my friends are and that’s okay. I’m not going to be skinny and that’s also okay. But I can be a more fit and certainly happier version of me and that’s VERY okay.
Have you started any new projects lately? Do you have a favorite Couch to 5K podcast? And if you’re celebrating this achievement with me, maybe you could do so with a donation to Nuru for my birthday?

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