photo © 2006 Ian Burt | more info(via: Wylio)

As per yesterday’s post, I decided to get started on the Couch to 5K program right away. I’ve read all the stuff about not worrying about the beginning of a week or month or whatever to start something, just start it. And since I’m loathe to be any more of a cliche than absolutely necessary, I decided I’d get moving.

Of course, starting this in the summer in the midst of a heat-wave means that I had to wake up EARLY this morning to get to the track as soon as it opened so I didn’t collapse from heat bitchiness. (Yes, I know that real runners don’t run on a track. But I live in WV with many, many hills and there’s just no way I could do any part of this on the actual roads, not to start, anyway.) What follows is a detailed look at my first C25K morning. Enjoy.

• 5:45AM alarm: Why did I post this on my blog? People are expecting me to do this. I could be asleep right now. It’s summer vacation for heaven’s sake!
• 5:50 AM: Get dressed. Realize I can’t find any ties for my hair. Raid the kids’ silly band collection. Hope I find one that looks like a runner. Actually find one that I don’t know what it is.
• 6:00 AM: Tweet that I’m doing this.
• 6:01 AM: Check to see if anyone has offered encouragement. Realize that it’s flippin’ six in the morning and most people are asleep. Like I want to be.
• 6:07 AM: Get to the track. Pray that no 16 year old hard-bodies are out there to laugh at me. Realize again that it’s very early and all 16 year old hard-bodies are probably asleep. Stretch, based on clips of what I’ve seen on TV, not from any actual fitness information.
• Five minute warm up. Here we go. I have survived 20+ hours of labor at a time. I can do this for 27 minutes.
• First 2 minute run, beginning: What was I worried about? I’m a rockstar! I can totally do this!
• First 2 minute run, 13 second in: What the hell was I thinking? This is the worst thing I’ve ever done in my whole life.
• First 3 minute walk: The podcast guy is telling me that I should be breathing heavier, but should recover in the 3 minutes. I don’t think that is going to happen. I’m pretty sure I will be breathing like this until sometime after lunch.
• Second 2 minute run: Already? Okay, I caught my breath, but…already?
• Second 3 minute walk: Oh, this is bad. I have to do this two more times. You know, if I quit now and just sat in the bleachers until the end of the podcast, I could pretend I’m awesome. No one is here. No one will know. I’ll still be plenty sweaty to pretend that I did the whole thing.
• Third 2 minute run: *expletive deleted* Are my legs on fire because of the running or because the friction between my thighs is causing some kind of chemical reaction? *expletive deleted*
• Third 3 minute walk: I’m dying. I’m dying. I know Janet Oberholtzer does this with with one leg, but I’m not that strong. I’m just a fat old lady and I can’t do this. I’m dying.
• Last 2 minute run: *many, many expletives deleted* Where are my effing endorphins???? I was told I’m supposed to get some kind of high from doing this!!!!! Why don’t I feel high???? *many more expletives deleted*
• Cool down: Holy crap, I just did that. The sun is coming up over the trees and I kinda’ want to cry because it’s so beautiful. Is that what they’re talking about? Cuz that’s not the worst feeling in the world.
• 6:42 AM: Home. Wait, you mean I have to walk from my car to my house????