Forgiving

February 7, 2013 by 8 Comments

forgive

I thought that forgiving you
would be a one time event.
We would embrace
and I would softly whisper in your ear,
“You’re forgiven.”

Then we would shed a few tears
and share a few laughs
and things would be normal.

We would be okay.

But it’s not been like that.

Oh, we had that moment.
But it didn’t really change things.
At least not the way that I hoped.

I knew that your words had cut deep
but I had no idea that the bleeding
just. wouldn’t. stop.

And I heard opposing stories.

Forgiveness isn’t a feeling, it’s an action!
and
If you still think about it, you haven’t forgiven!
and
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you open yourself to abuse!
and
How can you forgive and hold someone at arm’s length!

I twisted and turned to try to figure out
if I’d actually forgiven you.
If the event of forgiveness had occurred.
If bygones were bygones.

And I don’t think that I have forgiven you.

But I am forgiving you.

Filed Under: poetry
  • sismeliss

    This is a toughie. The hardest thing I have had to deal with yet. For me, I think I forget more than I forgive. I bury it deep. Because I love that person and don’t want to live without them. I love them, even though I don’t understand why they did what they did. I know they have regret and I love them. And I know that there are things in my life that I would like forgiven for. It always rears its ugly head now and then, but I try to keep it down there. Time lessens the pain and hopefully, eventually, so many good times will be dumped on top of it that it will never escape! :)

    • Monika Jankun-Kelly

      I cannot speak for you, nor see into your heart, but I know for me, a hurt buried will only fester. Time heals, but not by itself. It can hurt to bring up a sore topic, but if the other person really is contrite, airing it out can really help put it behind you and move on. Not forget, not accept, not excuse, but if there’s contrition, forgive, and not obsess about. If we don’t talk about someone hurting us, if we let them get away with not apologizing (even if they feel sorry inside), that sends a message they can keep hurting us with impunity, and it will be accepted. Maybe people fear rejection if they admit and discuss hurting us, but silence serves no one. Relationships can survive a hurt, and can be patched with apology and forgiveness, not perfectly, not instantly, but burying a hurt, at least in my personal experience, is a slow killing poison.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002255979282 Quin Bagwell

    Like rebuilding something which was torn down. It can’t be done with one singular action, it’s a process. Requiring foundation.

  • http://bohemianbowmans.com/ Jessica

    Ooh, girl. Preach.

  • http://rawfaithrealworld.wordpress.com/ RawFaith

    I think it’s always an ongoing process. I do think you can forgive people but not necesarily subject yourself to their crap. I have several people I’ve forgiven. I don’t hold the stuff they did over their head or feel angry or bitter towards them. But I don’t trust them either because the fruit of their lives say they haven’t changed. I have other amazing stories of forgiveness and redemption. It really depends on the circumstances. For me, I find the ones where forgiveness comes up again and again with people are the ones where someone is hurting someone I care about. Great post. :)

  • Monika Jankun-Kelly

    Moving poem, Alise. Was so angered by whoever told you “If you still think about it, you haven’t forgiven!” As if forgiveness were forgetting! It is one thing to discuss, accept apology, forgive, and then not bring the matter up again needlessly and endlessly. That’s fine, that’s forgiveness. But to demand someone not even think about the hurt that caused it?! That’s to deny there was a hurt, a wrong done. Forgiveness can help heal, but it doesn’t magically erase memory and scars, nor should it. Loving someone after they hurt, apologize, and are forgiven is one thing, while pretending the hurt never even happened is another. I don’t understand how someone can say such a thing. You have really captured the non-instantness, the gradual healing.

  • http://twitter.com/allyvest Ally Vesterfelt

    Forgiveness is the hardest and the worst. Sometimes it’s sneaky — like, I think I’ve forgiven and then, one day, I wake up, and I haven’t. I think you captured that here. Sometimes we make it all sound too easy. Thank you for sharing.

  • Sally

    Wow. This poem describes a current situation in my life *exactly*. Thanks for posting so I can see I’m not alone.