Spirit-Led Parenting Blog Tour

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When Megan Tietz asked about hosting a post for Spirit-Led Parenting, the book that she and Laura Oyer wrote together about the baby's first year, I wasn't sure, because I don't often write about parenting on my blog, and my first-year parenting days are well behind me. But when I saw that there was a sex chapter, I  jumped at the opportunity to host a post about THAT.  ++++++++ Shortly before our book was released, I was talking with my mother on the phone and she mentioned that she planned to send a copy to my 93-year-old grandfather. “Okay.” I replied.  “Oh!  Oh.  Um … just so you know?  There’s a sex chapter.” Yikes.  I mean, I’m not uncomfortable talking about sex, per se.  I’m totally fine with it in conversation with friends.  But the whole “Hello, strangers!  And … [Read more...]

Fifty Shades, One Story

We are besieged  by do-it-yourselfers wanting to spruce up their homes. Mr. and Mrs. Clayton and John and Patrick – the two other part-timers – and I are besieged by customers. ~E.L. James, Fifty Shades of Terrible Writing Grey   Yes, I actually paid for and mostly read Fifty Shades of Grey. Feel free to judge me. Heck, I judge me. But I admit, when any book gets that much traction, it piques my interest and I will read it. Or at least try to read it. The writing in this is just plain terrible and I eventually had to say good-bye to Ana and Christian. If I had to read about one more cocked head or lips pressed into a hard line or inner goddess, I was going to start beating someone, and not in a sexy way. So why on earth is this book completely dominating the … [Read more...]

You Don’t Have To Take Your Clothes Off To Be Egalitarian

St. Junia, far right.

I used to be a complementarian. I believed that a wife was called to submit to her husband. I believed it enough that when I got married and wrote my own vows, I included "obey" in them. Granted, this was a lot more about the words than any kind of actual submitting. I'm not sure we ever really sorted out what "biblical headship" or "biblical submission" looked like. Mostly we just treated each other with love and respect and if we ran into an area where we disagreed, we'd figure out who felt more strongly about it and let that be our guide. But the label we would have used would have definitely been complementarian. But there was always one place where mutuality reigned, and that was the bedroom. When we read 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, everything in that passage screamed mutual … [Read more...]

Syndicated at BlogHer

You guys! I'm being syndicated over at BlogHer today. With a piece that mentions masturbation. Awesome. I know that there's a lot that is solitary about the writing life. But this piece, and so many others of my most popular posts, are only possible because of the relationships that I have. My friends inspire me pretty much constantly and I'm so thankful that they let me write about them, our conversation, and our lives. I use real names here (because I started blogging before that was a bad thing), so I can never thank them enough for their generosity. I love them deeply. Anyway, I'd love it if you'd head over to BlogHer and give my post some bloggy love. And if you're visiting here for the first time, be sure to check out some of my favorite posts and say hello! … [Read more...]

Let’s Get Real(ish)

A few weeks ago Tina called after a difficult week at church. Her pastor was preaching a series about marriage, and he was all about "getting real." From her perspective, "getting real" meant that he was about to talk about sex. Now, I am all about sex positive messages. The Church has been timid about sex for far too long, and we need to stop that. So you'll get little argument from me about the need for the Church to get real about sex. But I don't believe that a hetero-normative, men-love-sex-more-than-women, everybody-gets-married-one-time, all-couples-are-both-Christian message is all that real. The percentage of married households is under half at this point. Around 80% of singles in the church have had or are having sex outside of marriage. The LGBT population is right … [Read more...]

Post at Provoketive.com

I have a featured post today over at Provoketive. It's about birth control. And women. And liking sex. And how the current debate surrounding birth control has a tendency to diminish that last bit. The discussion about birth control revolves around women because we still have a problem with women having sex just for fun. We have accepted a "boys will be boys" mindset, so insurance covering things like vasectomies or medicine for erectile dysfunction doesn't raise eyebrows, but when it comes to women, we prefer to think that they simply react to men, rather than have sex drives of their own. Why don't you stop on over and share your thoughts about those things? … [Read more...]

I’m a Slut

In November of 1996, I began taking oral contraceptives. And in December of that same year, I started having sex. I don't remember the exact date, but I do know that it was the first of many times.I'd messed around a lot the two and a half years prior. Lots of pushing the envelope as far as it could go without crossing over to sex, and at least a little bit of pushing beyond even that. The only thing that kept me from just going ahead having intercourse was a deathly fear of pregnancy. I was not going to be an unwed mother, so I didn't have sex. But I was sure as hell sexual, and I got as good as I gave.I've had one sexual partner in my life. And I'm married to him. In the two and a half years before we were married, we were completely faithful to one another. He was the first and only … [Read more...]