Dear Misty, Three years ago, you gave a relative stranger a gift that many people would be afraid to give. You gave another woman permission to be best friends with your husband. Any time a spouse finds a best friend outside of our marriage, it can be difficult. We've been taught that we're supposed to be  the only friend that our husband or wife really needs, so any intrusion on that ideology can already be a bit of a strain. Many people give up outside friendships when they get married, so giving your husband the gift of any friendship outside of your relationship already speaks to your character. But your generosity extends beyond. Your husband not only found a close friend outside of your relationship, but he found that friendship with a woman. With me. Most people would … [Read more...]

Yesterday at the Good Women Project, Anne Wilson wrote a piece entitled Boundaries: No One Is Above An Affair. To close the piece, she wrote the following: Love sets us free. Free to laugh, cry, dream, give, and receive. In a paranoid, nervous relationship, you are placed in a hopeless cage of anxiety and guilt. Boundaries set you free to love your spouse in a way you can never love anyone else. Trust, loyalty, and promise win out over the flesh. . . and that is something to be celebrated. (emphasis hers) I see what she's saying here, and to some degree, I agree with her. Boundaries keep us safe and give us a framework that allows us to know where we stand. It's unlikely that there are very many successful relationships that don't have some kind of boundaries or rules. Boundaries … [Read more...]