Repost: I’m a Slut


This post originally appeared on March 7, 2012. Since I first posted it, I've started co-hosting The Wednesday Nooner podcast, and I feel even more adamant about the subject. No shame. No. Shame.   In November of 1996, I began taking oral contraceptives. And in December of that same year, I started having sex. I don’t remember the exact date, but I do know that it was the first of many times. I’d messed around a lot the two and a half years prior. Lots of pushing the envelope as far as it could go without crossing over to sex, and at least a little bit of pushing beyond even that. The only thing that kept me from just going ahead having intercourse was a deathly fear of pregnancy. I was not going to be an unwed mother, so I didn’t have sex. But I was sure as hell sexual, … [Read more...]

Equality Not to be Grasped

For as long as I can remember, I've loved the passage Philippians 2:5-11, most likely thanks to Michael Card's Carmen Christi. It has always struck me as a beautiful picture of service to one another. But these verses have also been used regularly to put women in their place. In churches and in homes, I have often seen this passage used to suggest that hierarchy exists within the Trinity and therefore must exist within the home and the Church. 5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: 6 Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; 7 rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. 8 And being found in appearance as … [Read more...]

Why Biblical Womanhood Needs Rachel Held Evans

Rachel vs Rachel

  The Christian blogosphere has produced a storm of posts about feminism over the past few weeks. Some posts condemning feminism, some posts lauding feminism, some posts wrestling with feminism. While this is a somewhat common topic, it has been brought to the forefront again by the release of Rachel Held Evans's new book, A Year of Biblical Womanhood: How a Liberated Woman Found Herself Sitting on Her Roof, Covering Her Head, and Calling Her Husband "Master." I, for one, am grateful for this conversation. My history is in the complementarian camp. I was brought up in a church where women were not allowed to vote regarding matters in the church, let alone be a pastor. Wives submitted to husbands who submitted to God. And while it seemed grossly unfair to me as a little … [Read more...]

Fearful and Wonderful

Aw, you. My dear, beautiful, amazing, beat-up body. We've had some times, haven't we? Remember when I decided that I wanted you to be hairless, so I shaved your arms and legs and a layer of epidermis from your shins? And you bled and bled and bled, and I fretted because I wasn't really supposed to be shaving yet? Or when we discovered how fun sex was? Both that first time and then even more just the other night? (Bravo, body. Bravo.) And remember the times that you carried four humans inside? You nourished them inside and then out and created safety for them. I don't think I ever loved you as much as I did during those times, though it was too quickly forgotten in the depression that fogged my memories of your power and beauty. Because if I'm honest, body, I haven't always … [Read more...]

Fifty Shades, One Story

We are besieged  by do-it-yourselfers wanting to spruce up their homes. Mr. and Mrs. Clayton and John and Patrick – the two other part-timers – and I are besieged by customers. ~E.L. James, Fifty Shades of Terrible Writing Grey   Yes, I actually paid for and mostly read Fifty Shades of Grey. Feel free to judge me. Heck, I judge me. But I admit, when any book gets that much traction, it piques my interest and I will read it. Or at least try to read it. The writing in this is just plain terrible and I eventually had to say good-bye to Ana and Christian. If I had to read about one more cocked head or lips pressed into a hard line or inner goddess, I was going to start beating someone, and not in a sexy way. So why on earth is this book completely dominating the … [Read more...]

Too Much by Sarah Moon

Sarah Moon

I don't remember how Sarah and I got to be friends, but it probably had something to do with Zelda. My kids don't generally pay much attention to my blog, but they were all pretty stoked to see one of my guests holding a cute little Toon Link. Anyway, I so appreciate Sarah's voice on so many difficult topics. She is a lovely writer and is in no way too much for this blog! ++++++++++ I still remember the day I overheard two boys in my junior high class discussing the oh-so-important topic of The Legend of Zelda. “Majora’s Mask is impossible to beat! I couldn’t even get past Snowhead Temple!” I, of course, had to jump into that conversation and brag about how I’d beaten the entire game, AND collected all the masks. The boy’s response to this was to look at me funny and say, … [Read more...]

You Don’t Have To Take Your Clothes Off To Be Egalitarian

St. Junia, far right.

I used to be a complementarian. I believed that a wife was called to submit to her husband. I believed it enough that when I got married and wrote my own vows, I included "obey" in them. Granted, this was a lot more about the words than any kind of actual submitting. I'm not sure we ever really sorted out what "biblical headship" or "biblical submission" looked like. Mostly we just treated each other with love and respect and if we ran into an area where we disagreed, we'd figure out who felt more strongly about it and let that be our guide. But the label we would have used would have definitely been complementarian. But there was always one place where mutuality reigned, and that was the bedroom. When we read 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, everything in that passage screamed mutual … [Read more...]

Post at

I have a featured post today over at Provoketive. It's about birth control. And women. And liking sex. And how the current debate surrounding birth control has a tendency to diminish that last bit. The discussion about birth control revolves around women because we still have a problem with women having sex just for fun. We have accepted a "boys will be boys" mindset, so insurance covering things like vasectomies or medicine for erectile dysfunction doesn't raise eyebrows, but when it comes to women, we prefer to think that they simply react to men, rather than have sex drives of their own. Why don't you stop on over and share your thoughts about those things? … [Read more...]


I received the following letter from a friend of mine who is a nurse with Planned Parenthood. I asked her if I could share it with you and she agreed.I worked at the Planned Parenthood clinic in one of our most affluent communities in Texas today. It is the only clinic that we have protesters at in the Dallas area.In the 15 years that I have worked for Planned Parenthood, I have never seen this much protester activity. There were between 15 people when I got there to about 30 people when I left out on the small area of grass between the sidewalk and the street, shouting at cars driving by, holding up signs and calling me personally a baby killer when I walked into the clinic this morning. They are not allowed on the parking lot or to engage us in any conversation and will be arrested for … [Read more...]

To My Sons on International Women’s Day

Dear, dear boys,It's International Women's Day, so it would seem to make sense that I would write to your sisters today. But when have I ever done what makes sense?No, my sons, I'm writing to you because you will be the ones with the power and privilege and you need to know how to use that to make the world better for your sisters and for all of the women that you meet.You both already have such tender hearts and I love you for that. It makes me proud that you recognize the humanity in the people that you interact with. I wish you'd keep your room cleaner, but this is pretty good too.Some day soon, you're going to hear another boy in your class say mean things about a girl. Not because she was mean first, but just because she's a girl. And you're going to have to make a decision about how … [Read more...]